As a canine behaviour consultant and transformational coach I am striving towards changing people's attitudes towards life with their dogs. Many canine problem behaviours can be addressed in this way and the human benefits from this too. As this approach is a significant aspect of how I work I want to make it part of my blog too and write about it on a regular basis.
As a former Roman archaeologist, I am a big fan of the Daily Stoic. I first met the Stoics, a group of ancient philosophers, when I was studying Latin at secondary school and I felt an affinity for their teachings ever since. While this sounds rather academic what the Daily Stoic have done with these ancient writings is very accessible and relevant to the present day. Anyone can subscribe to their daily motivational emails, watch their YouTube videos and even attend in-person events to learn more about these teachings and how to apply them to daily life. The emails and videos don't cost a penny but have the potential to make you think about your mindset and how you approach problems every day.
Recently, one of these daily emails talked about cherishing the moment - memento mori ("remember that you will die") as they like to call it. This concept features regularly in their posts and is closely related to mindfulness. It means recognising and being aware that everything you know and love can disappear in an instant. Hence it is important to be fully present in the moment and to truly appreciate what you have.
Many people who live with dogs tend to complain about their dog's behaviour, what the dog does, doesn't do, how the dog is misbehaving, not meeting the human's expectations, irritating and so on. I think this is rather sad. Others on the other hand, those who have lived with dogs for a long time, will know how fragile a dog's life can be. A dog's life can be lost unexpectedly, in an instant, and the best friend you shared your life with is suddenly gone. This experience is rather traumatic for the human and can completely change how they define their relationship with dogs. I was in such a situation myself ten years ago, when I unexpectedly lost a beloved dog after an operation. I can truly say that this experience was transformative for me and paved the way for me becoming a dog professional.
But you don't need to experience such a traumatising event yourself to become more aware of your relationship with your dog. Just the thought of it should be sufficient to bring anyone's mind back to why they wanted to share their life with a dog in the first place. That they wanted to have a four-legged best friend, one who loves them unconditionally and one who is extremely forgiving if anything doesn't go their way. One who is always there for them, waits for them and is excited to see them when they come home. One they can share their daily adventures with and snuggle up on the sofa in the evening or when they are sad.
Yet, all these things are benefitting the human, a somewhat consumerist view of living with a pet. Should a relationship with a friend not be different? A mutually beneficial, two-way relationship that appreciates the other for who they are? Rules and boundaries are part of every relationship but to what extent do they need to dominate the way we interact?
So, next time you are complaining about your dog's behaviour think about whether you would still complain about it if your dog was gone. Is it really important? Does it matter? Instead try to remember why you got a dog in the first place and what they really mean to you. Now treat your dog like the four-legged best friend that they are and meet them (at least) half-way. Try to understand and be accepting of why they are the way they are. Learn about their likes, dislikes and quirks, and love them for it. Advocate for them and help and support them if they need it. All you would do for your best friend. That's what your dog deserves too.
Comments